are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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