Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize