She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
