Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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