at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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