Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
