Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
