why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
