Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
