tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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