NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
