PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
