Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
