I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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