She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
