doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Randomize
