I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
