i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we're so committed to being not committed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
