I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
