recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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