what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
