I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
