good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
