Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
