I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
