So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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