do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
