Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
