totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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