This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
