he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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