pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
