the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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