Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
