dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
