Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
