Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
