this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
