I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
