I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
