I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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