I CAN MOONWALK!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
