She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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