He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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