the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
