Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
