So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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