ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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