WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
