12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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