Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
