FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
