I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish life had little blips of pornography
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
