Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
