they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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