im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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