Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
