No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
