She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
