God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
