She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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