Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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