my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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