yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
