hotel room ftw
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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