Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just pee around me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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