just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
