Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You may now shotgun with the bride
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
