He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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