I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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