My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
