I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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