its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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