i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
