I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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