Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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