Can i not drive my cunt home
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
