I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
