she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
