Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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