Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
