Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
