So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
