I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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